As the Crow Flies

There's things I want to say to you
I cast out words
And reel them right in
I turn my soft underbelly to the sun
And watch the vultures circle overhead
But the crow flies close to my ear and whispers that it's alright
And I love to witness his flight

Soaring in the sun
I'd like to be the only one
His voice in my ear
The warmth melts my fear
Of slipping on the river rocks again

I go to eleven (mercury)

I dial down the smoking to keep from being all the me I can be
I go to eleven.
My words are rolling down hill, I can barely keep up
I just want you to think I'm together
I just want you to think I'm everything you didn't know you were looking for
I don't want to be too much,
I want to be enough

If anybody can see through it's you
Around all those years
Standing by seeing the sideshow
Seeing me go to eleven
So glad you've always been a friend
I would like to see the madness end
of going to eleven
I'm looking up through the branches trying to see a sliver of 
heaven
(no way I was not gonna work in heaven, because well, eleven)

Capturing the silver and holding onto the lid
Of the jar marked do not open until
You're a grown up girl with good intentions 
And if I may, I'd like to mention 
I'd like you to be here in case of the spill
Although I'm determined not to go to eleven

Twisted

Twisted up sheets

Devolving thoughts

Bleary drive home

Jagged rocks

Picking up pieces all over your floor

Your mind is rudderless

You already want more

Your own company is becoming a chore

Don’t give in to the scant morning light

The gray and the damp and the taste of metal

Alcohol primes the fear of going a step, always too far

stay in your skin, you are who you are

Warm sun on your face and the black soft hound

Do what it takes, just for today

A man said whatever gets you through the night

And I think he was right

Another one said let love rule

He was right too

Keep your gaze fixed on the moon

She is your sister and she's playing your tune

I'm all in

I’m letting go

I’m all in

Fear is a new thing

I want to bury it in the backyard

The trees keep me here where I know belong

Stay in my skin

Keep my thoughts straight

There’s no monster behind the door

The rock in your stomach a gift from that monster in your mind

Straighten up

Just take it for what it is foolish girl

All is good

All is new

New is good

Let it go

Trust like a blind pup

Innocent and blank

Burn the furniture in the yard so you can draw the next big breath

Straighten up

Letting go is a gift to yourself and you’ve been through enough these years

Don’t burn your bridges, don’t do the thing, don’t let your mind put you in the well

Your tears are cathartic until they are not

Be you

Straighten up mama

Stay in your skin

Dear Narcissist (2018)

Letter to a narcissist : You should be happy, at least you're being talked about. 
You're welcome fucker.

From Mr. Bukowski

“I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.”

― Charles Bukowski

A Cat named Agnes

I want to have a cat, just so i can call her Agnes
I want to strap on a helmet and throw myself to the rapids
I want to drive real fast down the side of a mountain (68 Charger)
I want to take a vacation where the water is blue and change my name
For long enough that when I get back nothing is the same
Then send everyone I love a fabulous glowing gift, shining gold in a box
And then board a train to where it's cold
See the cold ocean licking the cold rocks

the river

when you loved me there were songs
remember how it used to be easy
lost that true north again
back to the river
the trees seem taller and the voices have dirt
makes you wanna hide
find that soft place again
back to the river
water glints, drops dance, i dance, there alone, soft grass
so hard to find something all around, it's trying to hold you in a golden envelope, liquid embrace, just dance there, keep dancing, look up to the sun
find your way back
back to the river
swirling eddy
one day let go
stay at the river
don't let it break
hold on loose
dance in a circle
look at the sun
swirling, drops dancing, light flying, dreams melt
back to the river

the walk

It’s a crying shame
That things have to change
And the golden bubble bursts
Walking the street
Recognizing your feet
As someone that you used to know
Wrap up the snapshots
Throw them away
Make your way to a show
Order a drink
Don’t stop to think
Of the days that you used to know
Alabaster stone lions telling the truth
The truths that you don’t want to hear
Black marble walls
Flashing it back to you
Take the walk again next year

a slow day

Nothing to put back
Nothing to put right
Breathing slow and deep
Soft and flickered light

Don't know how we got here
I hope we never leave
My fight is gone but answers seem not to matter
In this place

Levitating in the bubble
Wrapped in our cocoon
Asking nothing of this day
Just quiet, me and you