Monday PM Tuesday AM

You wouldn't believe it if I told you
Universally familiar
Not mutually exclusive
Of the truth or a fantasy

Rationalize the fuzz off of dandelions
Turn your attention to that third eye
If you talk too fast it's 'baby don't blue sky'
Walk on sharp things and it's not feeling good
What did Bono mean by bullet the blue sky

Following the night lights
Creeping down the steps
Hold the flashlight low
Searching under your own bed
Drawing the monster in your head

Goodnight 

Count On

That 4 a.m. feeling
Of who's there
Like cold glass
Bumping your teeth
Like winter wind howling
A sudden jolt of something behind you but you turn around
And the silence is gigantic
Everything is so big and you are so small

I just want someone I can count on
A port in the storm
A net in the water
A warm hand to hold
Someone to ride out the rest of the trip
By my side, not asking questions, not needing to
Just being

Riding west into the giant sunset, dirt road, a bag of doughnuts and some cold milk
A nice warm sweater and my favorite boots- it's finally fall

Nothing behind, don't know what's in front
But it's okay
All is golden

Fuck/ Hungover On a Tuesday

Fuck

 

I love you and I don't know what I'm doing

The branches crawled and scraped across my floor last night 

They held me down across my bed and whispered in my ear 

They said you fucked up again and tightened their hold 

I'm scared and I'm dumb sometimes 

Except when I'm not 

I'm clever and I'm numb sometimes 

And I fly in hot 

 

You're sweet, and good, and fucked up like me (or good and fucked up like me)

And I don't know what I'm doing and neither does the tree

It's voice is sandpaper

It likes to talk to me and tell me when I'm being dumb, and tell me when I'm being me

I don't know if I deserve you, I don't know if you deserve me

Does anyone deserve, probably not, but that doesn't matter

I just want you to hold me when it rains

(and fuck you tree)

As the Crow Flies

There's things I want to say to you
I cast out words
And reel them right in
I turn my soft underbelly to the sun
And watch the vultures circle overhead
But the crow flies close to my ear and whispers that it's alright
And I love to witness his flight

Soaring in the sun
I'd like to be the only one
His voice in my ear
The warmth melts my fear
Of slipping on the river rocks again

I go to eleven (mercury)

I dial down the smoking to keep from being all the me I can be
I go to eleven.
My words are rolling down hill, I can barely keep up
I just want you to think I'm together
I just want you to think I'm everything you didn't know you were looking for
I don't want to be too much,
I want to be enough

If anybody can see through it's you
Around all those years
Standing by seeing the sideshow
Seeing me go to eleven
So glad you've always been a friend
I would like to see the madness end
of going to eleven
I'm looking up through the branches trying to see a sliver of 
heaven
(no way I was not gonna work in heaven, because well, eleven)

Capturing the silver and holding onto the lid
Of the jar marked do not open until
You're a grown up girl with good intentions 
And if I may, I'd like to mention 
I'd like you to be here in case of the spill
Although I'm determined not to go to eleven

Twisted

Twisted up sheets

Devolving thoughts

Bleary drive home

Jagged rocks

Picking up pieces all over your floor

Your mind is rudderless

You already want more

Your own company is becoming a chore

Don’t give in to the scant morning light

The gray and the damp and the taste of metal

Alcohol primes the fear of going a step, always too far

stay in your skin, you are who you are

Warm sun on your face and the black soft hound

Do what it takes, just for today

A man said whatever gets you through the night

And I think he was right

Another one said let love rule

He was right too

Keep your gaze fixed on the moon

She is your sister and she's playing your tune

I'm all in

I’m letting go

I’m all in

Fear is a new thing

I want to bury it in the backyard

The trees keep me here where I know belong

Stay in my skin

Keep my thoughts straight

There’s no monster behind the door

The rock in your stomach a gift from that monster in your mind

Straighten up

Just take it for what it is foolish girl

All is good

All is new

New is good

Let it go

Trust like a blind pup

Innocent and blank

Burn the furniture in the yard so you can draw the next big breath

Straighten up

Letting go is a gift to yourself and you’ve been through enough these years

Don’t burn your bridges, don’t do the thing, don’t let your mind put you in the well

Your tears are cathartic until they are not

Be you

Straighten up mama

Stay in your skin

Dear Narcissist (2018)

Letter to a narcissist : You should be happy, at least you're being talked about. 
You're welcome fucker.

From Mr. Bukowski

“I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.”

― Charles Bukowski